in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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