So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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