it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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