turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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