as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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