It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
