1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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