Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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