I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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