i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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