I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
