if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
