last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
