Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wear drunk well.
I'm always down for nudity.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
