i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
