my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
