So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
