yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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