Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
