Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
