so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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