It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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