after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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