he thought i was a dude.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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