please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
