real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
