I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
