My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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