Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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