i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
