I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
