I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
