Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
