He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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