We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
