My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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