I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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