I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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