May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
