I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
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Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
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If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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