Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's shark week go big or go home
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
