I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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