Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
