if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think my mom watched the whole time
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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