Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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