Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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