I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
