My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
this boner is exhausting
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
