Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
