She's JV to your varsity
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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