I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
