i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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