Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
