someone threw a dead crab at me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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