I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
