I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
