How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
where are my eyebrows?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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