if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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