i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
