im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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