Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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