he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
