Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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