You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's always time for handjobs
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
