This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
