have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
