I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Porn is love you can see.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize