I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
