The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
