dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
