I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
