she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You've changed since you got that strap on
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