Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
