Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
