would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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