it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
