dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
