can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize